MAN ABOUT TOWN

Scene 32: Ext, night. A late model Holden Commodore glides smoothly to a halt beside a line of witch's hats, stopping easily despite the light rain. A handsome POLICE OFFICER wearing wet-weather gear steps forward as the DRIVER winds his window down. The flashing blue lights of the police alcohol and drug-testing unit play across his unshaven face. OFFICER: Roadside drug testing , driver. DRIVER: Oh, no worries. The DRIVER leans across to the glove compartment and takes out a small plastic bag. DRIVER: I got these brown Scorpions from a mate last night; can ya tell me if they're any good? OFFICER: Give us a sec and we'll test them for you, but from what I've heard, this batch are a bit smacky, but almost as good as pure MDMA. DRIVER: Sweet!

Vale Darren McGavin , the actor who played journalist Cark Kolchack in the telemovies The Night Stalker and The Night Strangler , and went on to play the character in the cult TV series Kolchak: The Night Stalker . He later appeared in a two-part story in The X-Files , whose creator Chris Carter credited The Night Stalker with inspiring his series. McGavin died Saturday , in Los Angeles, aged 83.

Romeo and Julian - enough said; just please, don't cast LeonardoDiCaprio in it - I mean, did you see his take on Arthur Rimbaud in Total Eclipse ? The Ghost and Mrs Muir - saw it again tonight (the lighting! the pathos!) and want to see a modernised queer version. In fact, maybe I'll just write it myself.... Rebel with a Cause - in which Sal Mineo's Plato tenderly consoles Jimmy Dean's Jim Stark after Judy (Natalie Wood) has been blown away by the jacks. Robin Hood and his Merry Men - academics tell us that Maid Marion was a late addition to the story cycle, so just what were Robin and Much the Miller's Son doing together during all those years in the greenwood, hmmm? Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid - the movie that set the trend for homosocial buddy movies for years to come is allegedy to be remade, with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck in the lead roles. For starters, how gay is that? Secondly, all I want to know is, will they pash each other before they jump o...

Dear Ethnic Immigrant, Thank you for choosing our great nation to be your new home. In order to help you assimilate more quickly, we've prepared this handy check-list of Australian values to which you should aspire. Although we welcome you to Australia, please don't forget to leave your unwanted foreign belief systems at home (unless you're from the United Kingdom or the United States of America; your cultures are vastly superior to ours and we wouldn't dream of making you abandon the values and activities to which we ourselves aspire). Please select at least three of the following values to adopt as your own: A 'she'll be right' attitude (which should not, under any circumstances, be misconstrued as laziness) Racism Passing the buck Drunkeness Poor sportsmanship A general contempt for literature and the arts Fanatical devotion to a sporting code of your choice Jealousy of achievement (except in the case of sportsmen, and occasionally sportswomen, but only i...

Richard speaks with writer/director Duncan Tucker about his first feature film Transamerica . “Somebody told me that they’d read a conservative Christian website where some writer was comparing Transamerica , together with Capote , Brokeback Mountain and Breakfast On Pluto , to the four horsemen of the Apocalypse,” Duncan Tucker laughs. “My reaction to that was, ‘Wow, cool!’ I mean, I don’t want to offend any good, god-fearing people, but I think there are some people out there who are just afraid of anything different.” We’re discussing the Christian Right’s reaction to his debut feature, Transamerica , one of several high profile and queer-themed films that have been released this season. Compared to earlier films such as The Silence of the Lambs , which demonised transgendered people, Transamerica is definitely different. Staring Desperate Housewives’ Felicity Huffman in a Golden Globe winning performance, the film depicts a turbulent week in the life of a pre-operative transsexual...

While I cheerfully admit to having a bit of a thing for 'straight' men (the sort of straight men who feature in the song 'Six Beer Queer' by Brisbane's queer punk band Anal Traffic), I don't actually believe that they're straight at all. They can think of themselves as straight all they like, but if they're getting off with another bloke then in my book, they ain't completely heterosexual. They probably don't even think of themselves as 'bi-curious', unless they inhabit some of the same gay chat rooms that I sometimes do. Having known more than a few bi-curious blokes in my time (not always in the biblical sense), while I think it's a rather feckless, artificial phrase on a par with 'straight-acting', it does definitely have its uses. Anyway, the reason I'm posting this entry this morning is because I just read an article by UK queer writer Mark Simpson on his blog about bisexuality, bi-curiousness, and the commodification...

Here's a quick guide to what I've been up to the last week...if reading it makes you exhausted, imagine how I feel. THURSDAY Presented Smartarts in the morning, then in the evening, prior to DJ'ing at Q + A , went to the launch of this year's Melbourne Queer Film Festival program. Lots of good stuff in the festival this year, or so it seems; the problem is that everything is written up with a glowing review, so it's sometimes hard to sort the wheat from the chaff. Former rugby league icon (an aggressive, uncompromising player and at one stage the captain of the North Queensland Cowboys), Dancing with the Stars celebrity, and NIDA student Ian Roberts was at the launch, as he's one of the judges of the Oz Shorts this year; I hope to get him on my show, as I used to have a crush on him back in about 96-97 when he first came out. Unlike Midsumma , and other major events on the GLBTI calender, I truly love the MQFF , as it attracts the most diverse crowds of any q...

A new sex scandal involving footballers has erupted - this time in the UK. Unlike our rugby and AFL players though, this particular scandal allegedly involves two bisexual players from opposite teams and a 'musical identity', together with a mobile phone used as a vibrating sex toy. Damn, I knew there was a reason I wanted to get a mobile! According to that always-reliable source, the News of the World : "The players—one capped several times for England— were caught on camera cavorting with a pal well known in the music industry in a homosexual orgy that will shock soccer. The three men—who cannot be identified for legal reasons—are pictured wearing just vests and boxer shorts as they tackle each other in ways fans never expected." This is one sports story I'm going to follow with interest (and thanks to Towleroad for bringing it to my atention)...

Despite my armour of post-modern, post-industrial, post-everything irony ; despite the fact that I know, intellectually and emotionally, that it's a commercial crock of shit designed to boost sales of roses and soppy Hallmark greeting cards; despite the fact that I'm actually rather happy being single: I suspect I shall still have a twinge of angst tomorrow about not being in a relationship. Cupid's a heartless bastard. I wish he was dead . Well, what do you know? He is! See?

'Big City Life' – Mattafix [BuddhistPunk/EMI] An engaging composition that melds a pop sensibility with warm yet restrained dub-influenced beats and a social conscience, this single from UK duo Mattafix is lifted from their debut album Signs of a Struggle . It recalls the Bristol sound of 90’s bands such as Massive Attack and Portishead, and with its restrained take on contemporary hip-hop, is sure to put a smile on your face and a spring in your step. Australian Tour EP – José González [Imperial/Shock] Swedish-born singer-songwriter José González (whose parents are of Argentinian extraction) was a recent visitor to our shores, and this EP will be a treasured memory of his gigs for those of you lucky enough to have seen him performing live. For the rest of us, it’s an aching reminder of what it was we missed. From his simple and affecting acoustic covers of Joy Division’s ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ and Kylie Minogue’s ‘Hand On Your Heart’, to his subtle, low-fi pop originals, ...

Flying a spaceship, according to Captain Mal Reynolds, is all about love. That's something I'd like to experience again some day. Love, that is, although flying a spaceship would be kind of cool too. I've just finished watching Joss Whedon's SERENITY. Not an earth-shatteringly great film, but a great ride all the same, and an impressive continuation from his previously-axed series (perhaps an option for Ms Fits to consider?). Love is one of its main themes: love for a sibling, for a partner, for a cause, for friends. It's also the main theme - together with acceptance - of another film I saw earlier today at a media preview, TRANSAMERICA. It's been a long time since I was in love. My last relationship ended in spectacularly messy circumstances in early 2000, and I've been single ever since. I spent a year nursing a broken heart, then another year being a slut, and lately, well, I think I've become somewhat of a recluse, to be honest. I could do with ano...

My London-based mate Rick (who's actually American, but has lived in the UK longer than the decade-plus I've known him, and who generously allowed me to crash on his couch for several nights last year) sent me an e-mail alerting me to the fact that the club I've helped run for 10 years, Q + A, has been written up in the London newspaper the Guardian : He writes: "On Saturdays they ask for reader's tips about the places to go in various city that wouldn't necessarily be covered in tourist guides. This Sat they did Melbourne - and I was on the train beaming because there was a write up of Q+A!" The full details are here, in The Guardian 's 'Been There' section , but here are the juicy highlights: Q+A at A Bar Called Barry Posted by boyonwheels 30 January 2006 ...

Last night I went to have birthday drinks in honour of the lovely Jeff Khan, at Yarraville's version of the Supper Club, and a bar I now highly recommend, the delightfully decadent Acqua E Vino (you simply must try their La Fee absinthe, one of the best I've tasted; it creates a wonderfully lucid drunkeness in the imbiber). On the way home, waiting for my train, I was listening to The Cure's Disintergration (the best album ever, dude, according to Kyle from Southpark ) and grooving along the platform - not quite dancing, but more than walking - when I had the sudden realisation that at the age of almost 39, I'm not at all grown up. Somehow, I suspect I never will be. I'm largely free of responsibility, being unburdened by mortgages or children. I think nothing of taking lots of drugs and staying up for 36-48 hours straight, and after sleeping for 15 hours straight, feel more than ready to do it all over again. I cry easily in some movies, and laugh easily in oth...

Kate Beckinsale thinks "I think it's time to kill my agent..." Words are not enough to describe how ghastly, terrible and atrocious Underworld Evolution is! One-dimensional characters, wooden acting, banal dialogue, constant awkward exposition - it takes the prize for worst film of the year without a doubt! Oh, I know we're only barely into February, but truly, I doubt I'm going to see anything worse. Avoid this stinker at all costs; it's not even so bad as to be good, it's just baaaaaaaaad! And if you don't believe me, try these choice quotes from other reviewers, courtesy of Rotten Tomatoes : "I suppose bloodlust is enough excuse for anyone willing to endure 105 minutes of monster derby, but really: Who are these characters?" -- Mark Collette , TYLER MORNING TELEGRAPH (TEXAS) "What's Kate Beckinsale doing in a movie like this? Oh yeah, her husband directed it " -- Jackie K. Cooper , JACKIEKCOOPER.COM "This is o...

It's been a busy week, but not a particularly interesting one. Not that it's been boring, either. It's just been. Tuesday night I went to see Franz Ferdinand play The Palace, and after initial doubts about the sound mix, it all came right, with the band playing a bloody good set. Those boys definitely know how to entertain. I was kneeling on a stool up the back for most of the night, which gave me a great view over the heads, fists and camera phones (so many camera phones!) of the band themselves. I also managed to make a young woman very happy once my knees got sore by offering her my vantage point during the encore, as I'd seen her texting a friend earlier saying that it was a good gig but that she couldn't see shit. Consequently I stood, while she got to see the band properly for the last four or five songs. Her boyfriend seemed slightly suspicious of my motives, then he shook my hand, called me 'mate' very seriously, and bought me a beer (which I don...